Struggling with a substance abuse disorder is a challenge, and anyone who has gone through alcohol or drug addiction knows this.
For many people it can take years before they are able to get the help they need.
For others, they may not even want help, if they don’t believe their substance abuse disorder truly warrants it.
If you are thinking about going to inpatient rehab for your own struggles with alcohol or drug abuse, you are to be commended for your bravery and strength.
Making the decision to go to a substance abuse treatment facility can be incredibly scary, for a whole host of reasons.
Maybe you’re afraid that inpatient rehab is not going to work for you.
Maybe you are worried about what others will think.
Perhaps you aren’t sure you can afford the expense or the time away from your family or job.
And maybe you are scared about what life will look like during the recovery process and beyond.
These are all common and valid concerns that practically every person has when they decide that they are ready to seek treatment for their substance abuse disorder.
The only thing harder than deciding to seek addiction treatment is trying to convince another person to seek treatment with you.
Can I Talk My Partner into Going to Inpatient Rehab for Couples with Me?
It is a well-known and well-researched fact that trying to convince another person that they need to consider seeking treatment for their substance abuse disorder is usually unsuccessful.
Most people with an alcohol or drug abuse problem spend a significant amount of time in denial.
They have found ways to either keep their alcohol or drug addiction a secret, or they have found ways to live with their disorder and still be a functioning family member, co-worker, business professional and member of their community.
Even when a person starts to struggle in areas of their life and their drug or alcohol addiction begins to affect them negatively, it can be very difficult for them to see that it’s their relationship with drugs or alcohol that is the reason that parts of their life are in decline.
Research shows that most people who have a substance abuse disorder will have to hit some level of a personal “rock bottom” before they are ready to seek treatment for their problem.
What this means is that if your partner isn’t ready to go to inpatient rehab, it may be hard to convince them otherwise. And, even if you were able to convince them you may be disappointed in their inability to continue their recovery process after their time in the couples rehab treatment center is over.
That said, if you truly believe that couples rehab is the best thing for both you and your partner, there are some things you can attempt to do in order to help them reach this decision on their own.
Remember, everyone’s journey with drug and alcohol addiction is going to be different. But, if you can be patient, keep an open mind, and be ready to do some deep work, you may be able to help your partner realize that an addiction treatment program for couples is going to be the best solution for both of you.
Here are some ways in which you can help your partner come to this conclusion on their own.
1. Start From a Place of Love
Talking about addiction is difficult. If you are struggling with a substance abuse disorder as well as your partner, you know all too well how easy it is to become defensive or even angry when someone suggests that you may have a drug or alcohol addiction problem.
Not only that, but many people who live with addicts also feel guilty, especially if they have been enabling the behavior in any way, or have also been part of the person’s relationship with the substance addiction of choice.
When there is substance use disorder in a family or partnered relationship, there can be a whole host of dysfunctional behaviors that have taken place over time.
If you are ready to talk to your partner about the drug and/or alcohol abuse that you both have been engaging in, start by coming to the conversation from a place of love and understanding, not judgment or criticism.
Remember that one advantage you have in this situation that not all couples do is that you are also admitting to a problem with substance use and therefore you can make it clear that you know how difficult it is going to be to consider a drug and alcohol rehab program.
By talking about yourself and your alcohol or drug abuse first, you are giving your partner a chance to react in a more positive way.
By being vulnerable and showing your concern for your own substance abuse disorder, you are inviting your partner in to the conversation instead of putting them on the defensive about the subject of addiction treatment.
Sit down with your partner at a time when you both can talk about couples rehab in a comfortable, non-threatening way. Whether it’s during a quiet walk, a favorite coffee shop, or a relaxing corner of your living room, make sure that both of you feel at ease when the conversation takes place.
Be as open and honest about your own struggles as you can. This will give your partner space to reflect on their own challenges and whether or not they are willing to begin to work on your substance abuse issues together.
2. Talk Openly About Facts and Feelings
While you want to focus your conversation about substance abuse on your own struggles initially, it is also going to be important to cite various situations where substance use has had a negative impact on your relationship, your family, your finances or even your standing in your community.
Again, this is a sensitive area to broach. No one likes dealing with blame and shame and people who struggle with alcohol and drug addiction have plenty of both.
But pointing out specific instances where your partner’s substance use has hurt you or others in some way may help them see that the problem is much larger than they thought and may make them decide that a drug and alcohol rehab program may actually be the best option for both of you.
Couples struggling with substance use will oftentimes be each other’s biggest enablers. It is hard to say no to the people we love the most, and it’s even harder to say no when our substance use is no longer healthy but has become problematic.
But – a couple can also end up being each other’s biggest cheerleaders as well, if the right mindset is in place and the right approach is taken.
Talk to your partner about their substance use by using facts to support your concerns and your desire that you both enter a treatment program as a couple.
Make sure that you also support those facts with your feelings about them. Saying to a loved one, “I notice that a large portion of our budget is being spent on alcohol” can be supported by showing them receipts of what you both have purchased over the course of a certain period of time.
Following that fact with “I feel scared when I see how much we are both spending on alcohol” makes it much more likely that your partner won’t feel defensive or dismissive when you present them with a fact like this one.
Facts can be an important ally when talking about going together to a couples rehab addiction treatment center. But when you also share your feelings around those facts, you allow your partner to process them in a very different way.
Consider Enlisting Help
If you’ve tried to talk to your partner about the idea of going to a substance abuse treatment center together, but they still are adamantly opposed to the idea, then your next step may be to consider enlisting the help of others to show them how important this is to you.
Again, a person who is struggling in active addiction will oftentimes become highly agitated or defensive if they feel they are being ganged up on through this process.
They may even shut down altogether, or decide to walk away from the conversation, making it clear they have no interest in discussing it further and no intention to further entertain the idea of a substance abuse treatment center.
If this is the case, then you will need to give them the space they need to come to their own conclusion about their drug and alcohol abuse and work through it on their own.
But there are times that enlisting others to help confront someone’s addiction can actually have the opposite effect.
Deciding to involve others in the conversation about substance abuse with your partner will need to be done in a delicate fashion. Most experts suggest you find a person who is skilled in conducting alcohol and/or drug interventions, as they will be able to help you, your partner and anyone else involved know how to navigate the situation in a way that produces the best outcome.
Finding a therapist who has worked as a family therapy expert or in the field of behavioral therapy – especially as it relates to addiction – is a great place to start.
If you decide to engage and enlist other family or friends in the intervention with your partner, be prepared for the results to not be what you want. But, there is also a good chance that – if handled correctly – an intervention may be exactly what your partner needs in order for them to realize that a couples rehab addiction treatment center is the next best step for both of you.
3. Seek Treatment for You
If you’ve tried some of the above suggestions and your partner is still refusing to consider going to a couples rehab addiction treatment center with you, don’t give up hope.
It can not be said enough that everyone’s relationship with substance use is going to be different and no one will truly start on the path to recovery until they are ready to do it for themselves.
Even when an addict’s life is beginning to fall apart, they will be hard to convince that their substance use is the problem until they are willing to see it for themselves.
This can be a hard fact for many of us to swallow, especially when we love someone and hate to see how drugs and/or alcohol are ruining their life.
It can also be hard when you are struggling with your own alcohol or drug addiction and have finally come to the hard decision that seeking addiction treatment is the only choice left for you to be able to live the life you want.
This is when it becomes vitally important for you to seek treatment for yourself while you wait for your partner to come to the same realization.
By working on your own drug or alcohol addiction you can begin to become stronger in your own life and find the resolve you need to decide what you are going to do next.
The other benefit to beginning your own individual addiction treatment journey is that there is a good chance your partner will be more curious about seeking treatment if they see how it is positively impacting your life.
This idea of “leading by example” is a proven and effective way of approaching many obstacles in our relationships and using it to address substance abuse disorders is no exception.
By beginning to work on your own drug and alcohol addiction, your partner will be able to watch first hand what early recovery looks like and how maintaining sobriety is not impossible, as long as you are willing to do the work.
Remember, you do not necessarily need to enroll yourself in an inpatient alcohol or drug rehab program to begin your sobriety journey.
Whether you choose to attend individual behavioral therapy sessions, seek out support through group therapy, or decide to try an outpatient treatment center, you can find great success and resources for your own substance use disorder while you wait for your partner to join the journey with you.
A couples rehab program is not the only way for you to receive treatment for your addiction. There are plenty of treatment options available that you can access, whether your partner chooses to come with you on your recovery journey.
Ultimately, for couples struggling with addiction, it will be challenging for a relationship to continue to move forward if both people haven’t dealt with their substance use disorder, whether they do it together or on their own.
But, deciding to begin the road to recovery on your own may make it easier for your partner to decide to join you.
Either way, your life will be much better when you learn to live it free of an alcohol and drug dependency, whether your partner decides to join you or not.
Interested in Learning More About Couples Rehab?
If you are interested in learning more about couples rehab or other options for addiction recovery, reach out to us today.
At the House of the Rising Son, we are committed to providing all of our patients with the care they need to help them live a life free of alcohol and drug addiction and give them the tools they will need to maintain sobriety long after their time with us is over. Even if you don’t live in Southern California and you’re looking for couples rehab in Florida or anywhere in between, we’re here to help patients from across the US.
Our team is made up of highly skilled medical professionals, therapists, social workers and a mental health services administration that all have spent decades understanding how to treat addiction and help people move forward with their lives.
From behavioral couples therapy to group therapy to specialized mental health services, we can provide you the support and skill necessary to find your way back to the happy and healthy life you deserve.
If you are ready to take your next step to a life without alcohol or drug addiction, we are ready to help you.
